Just Because

Sometimes it feels like he’s still here – in his fleshy self, and other times it is as if the gulf between his presence and the now won’t ever be bridged. Lately, though, I’ve felt him all around. Not in the way I ached for reminders of him in the first two years post-death, but in a – I want him to know what’s happening kind of way. Mom is steady still, like always – teaching, gardening, singing, reading, watching TV shows riddled with murder and mayhem, as he used to say. Ryan is saving and venturing into new entrepreneurial ideas like him. Katy is adventuring and exploring and learning new places like him. I dream of traveling and am celebrating everything like him. As I type these words, I’m wearing his shirt; his style and favorite things litter my home. Maybe it’s because I’ve been in a Bridgerton haze as of late –the leads, eldest children who have experienced the death of their father. But too – they fall in love and go from enemies to marriage – my favorite type of story—grief to romance – classic. We cannot know until we know - clinched and true. I miss you, dad. I wish you were here to eat fancy food, drink spicy margaritas, and hear me lament Freddie Freeman’s not playing for the Braves. I hope you’ve been keeping up with all the sports happenings and us as you drink Guinness in a pub with your heroes, no doubt listening to Vivaldi and talking to Winston Churchill. Love you.